Despicable V

Yo, it occurred to me the other night while I was writing and watching Kung Fu Panda 2 for some background noise that I might actually enjoy computer animated films more than live-action films nowadays. I watch more animated films than live action that’s for sure. At first I shrugged this thought off because that just seemed silly, but the more I thought about it—it hit me. The shit is true ya’ll. And not only that, but I think I might actually like computer animated characters more than some real life actors (Save for a select few: Hugh Jackman, Jamie Chung, Andy Serkis). Is this a bad turn for me? Who knows. But, one thing I do know is I like me some Buzz Lightyear and Woody, and Toothless, and Chicken Little or Po the Panda, and that girl from that Tangled movie that I haven’t seen yet but still know that I’ll probably love it anyway. Hmm…but they’re all fake right? What makes them more appealing to me than real life? Does this make me crazy? And then earlier today, like a beacon of light from the heavens, an answer came to me in the form of two billboards that have popped up recently in my neighborhood. I think they prove my sanity better than any words will….

They’ve been advertising this new (old?) remake/new version/homage/whatever the hell it is about the new Three Musketeers movie and…I gotta be honest my homies. It doesn’t look great to me at all. Apologies if you do think it looks good, but I guess this is where we’ll have to diverge on our paths of movie trailer enjoyment because all I see is a bunch of dudes dressed in period-piece boring outfits running around throwing cheesy one-liners out every five seconds in the trailer. Oh, and did I mention Orlando Bloom? Because if I didn’t–Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom. Now I get that that a lot of ladies really like Bloom because he looks like a store mannequin or a nice piece or porcelain china, but he’s quickly become unwatchable for me as an actor. Add him to the generic story we’ve seen dozens of times before and those terrible outfits and you’d think I hate these types of movies. BUT you’re wrong. And luckily, there’s…

Puss in Boots. Okay, total disclosure: The Shrek movies kinda annoy me, what with their pop culture references and the fact that they break into a song every few minutes, and Shrek is kind of a dick. But I will say this cat movie spinoff looks a helluva lot better to me than the live action Musketeers, and yes I’m comparing them both because they both have that same-period feel so tough luck to their genre. But the cat wins out in my book. Tell me I’m wrong? And if you do, I won’t hold it against you…but I will think you have a thing for Orlando Bloom or fine china. But seriously, Puss in Boots doesn’t even look all that exciting either, but I’d still see this movie 10 times out of 10 over the Musketeers remake. So maybe I’m not entirely wrong about my love for computer animated movies over live action. They’re just more charming in my book.

Till next time friends,


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